In Part 1, when Ilena is discouraged from becoming a religious sister, she remembers what she was teased about missing and asks a former professor to teach her how to make love. He’s shocked at her request then greatly surprises her when he suggests they need to have an agreed to understanding. Before that can be accomplished, one crisis erupts which is shortly followed by an even bigger one.
A peek inside:
“Yes. Once the physical elements are dealt with and the honesty factor is in the open so there is no coercion and no assumptions or unspoken expectations in place prior to engaging in sexual intercourse, the other major factor is the attitude of the participants. This somewhat overlaps the honesty factor, . . . .”
. . . He reaches over and grabs a pad of paper and a writing utensil from his desk and writes the numbers one through five down the left side of the top page. He explains, “There are five basic attitudes which can be identified in how people approach sexual activities in general or sexual intercourse specifically. Obviously, with humans as complex as we are, there can be some overlap or some less than distinct attitudes. I’ll start at the bottom.”
As he writes the word next to the number five, he says, “What I would refer to as the least desirable attitude towards sexual activities would be rape in which one person forces another person against their will to participate in a sexual activity. The next one up would be what I would call, excuse my language, fucking, where one person allows another person to involve them in a sexual activity. One example of this would be a prostitute who allows a man to use her body sexually in exchange for money.
“The third attitude I would label as simply sex or basic sexual intercourse where two people decide to mutually agree to engage in a sexual activity. Examples of this are what people refer to as casual sex or the so-called one night stand. Hopefully, the two people took at least long enough to agree to a definition as to what they mean, but too often one person is thinking of enjoying sexual intercourse while the other person is thinking more along the lines of domination which would be closer to rape.
“The second attitude is what many people would consider as making love where two people who care about each other want to express their care in a physical manner. An example of this should be the marriage relationship.”
She had been quietly listening up until now, but that surprises her so she asks, “What do mean by it ‘should be the marriage relationship’?”
“That goes back to the honesty factor because most people who go into a marriage relationship are not honest with either themselves or their prospective spouse. Each partner will have expectations or assumptions the other partner isn’t aware of or is unable to meet. Then, because one or the other or both of them are soon disappointed, their apparent initial care for each other dissolves into apathy or becomes antagonistic. If either of them feels some sort of obligation or doesn’t want to go through a divorce for whatever reason, their relationship will generally deteriorate even further. Does that clarify why I said ‘should be the marriage relationship’?”
“Yes. That also clarifies some of what has puzzled me about some of the marriages I’ve seen, or at least without investigating the specific details. Thank you for explaining.”
“You’re welcome. Now, for each of these four attitudes I’ve mentioned, many people will say they haven’t been accomplished until the activity results in the physical act of sexual intercourse as defined in the last dictionary. Of course, there are variations or exceptions, but, in general, that’s how most people would understand those attitudes.”
“From what I’ve overheard or based on the small amount I’ve read that seems to be the consensus.” She hesitates some, waits for him to take a drink, then asks, “What about the first attitude?”
